'What do you want to be when you grow up?' This is without doubt amongst the top three most asked questions ever. There is no-one who has not been asked this question between the ages of 6 months to 25 years, or till the time they became something.
(For the record, the other two questions in the top three are 'Will you marry me?' and 'Why did I ever get married?')
Well, I am no exception and was bombarded with this question more number of times than I even remember. Invariably, this question was followed by a long lecture on career counselling and how to be successful. It was the main reason I dreaded family get togethers and any function where there were uncles and aunties with a lot of free time on their hands.
So, coming to the question, my answers to what I wanted to be varied from vegetable vendor to Prime Minister depending on my age, who was asking the question and the occasion on which it was being asked. Slowly, as I grew up my answer stabilized to be 'Army Officer'.
I did fulfill my dream and got into the army. It was five life transforming years and the Indian Army, the fine institution that it is, taught me a lot. Many of the lessons that the army life taught me have stood me in good stead since I left. However, I soon realized that this was not what I wanted to do all my life. I realized that I was a royal misfit for the army. (Yes, not an ordinary misfit, a royal one.) Now when I look back at my childhood, I realize that the only reason I joined the army was because my father was in the army. Having seen the army life as an army brat, I wanted to be in be in the uniform. I wonder, had my father not been in the army and had I not spent my childhood in cantonments, what I would have chosen as a profession!!
After leaving the army in 2005, I drifted from job to job mainly attracted by a salary package and nothing else. In fact, almost all of these jobs fell into my lap. (Divine hand at play?) I got bored of these jobs really fast, usually within an year of joining. By the end of the second year, if I lasted that long, I would be looking for a change. The money was good but something was always missing. Of course, there was the usual work place politics and job pressures but these factors are universal. What I increasingly realized was that I was not doing justice to myself and my inherent set of talents.
Come to think of it, I had never thought of my talents and turning them into a profession till I reached the age of 40!
They say that the first 40 years of childhood are the most difficult. I can vouch for the correctness of this from personal experience. By the time I turned 40, I was feeling suffocated in jobs. I discovered a few important things about myself: -
1. I cannot tolerate a boss over me.
2. I cannot force myself to do something that I am not cut out to do.
3. If I continue to work in these jobs, I would become an alcoholic, a mad man or both.
(There is no value judgement about jobs here. There are millions of people who do things that they are not cut out for and they do a fantastic job. Hats off to such people, they are the ones who keep the world going.)
Finally...
Finally, after reaching the age of 40, I started giving a serious thought to the question, 'What do I want to become when I grow up?'
Thanks to my restlessness with jobs and with the help of some intolerable colleagues and painful bosses, I took a bold step and became a freelancing soft skill trainer. This was in October 2016. In retrospect, this has been the best career decision I ever took. Of course there was struggle. There is no escape from struggle. But as Mark Manson says in his book 'Everything is F*cked' it is important to choose your struggles. It is important to choose a struggle that you enjoy. I was, and am, enjoying the struggles involved with being a trainer.
In addition, I rediscovered my passion for writing. As on today, (5 May 2022) I have published two fictional books, one book is with the publisher under process and I am working on one. In addition I also blog.
Finally I have a definitive answer to the question 'What do you want to do when you grow up?'. I want to be a trainer and writer. As mentioned above, there is struggle involved but I enjoy this struggle and that is important.
Some lessons...
Some lessons from my story and my experience that I feel will be useful for the young and their parents: -
a. Know yourself - It is very important for the children to know their aptitude, talents, likes and dislikes at an early age. Any education path and career decision must be taken based on this. In my childhood, this concept did not exist. But now it is there. Parents must encourage their children to discover themselves.
b. Know what kind of a life you want - Every career decision is also a lifestyle choice. Know about it well in advance. Ask yourself 'Does this career involve travel?' 'Does it involve long working hours?' 'Does it involve separation from family?' The ask yourself 'Am I ready for it?'
c. Know the struggles - When choosing a career, we usually only see the pay package, the perks and the benefits. It is equally important to know the struggles involved. Each struggle is different. Choose your struggle carefully.
d. Encourage the children to think and listen to them - And do not be in a hurry to 'settle them'. Parents do not settle the children. They settle themselves. Encouragement and guidance is one thing, parents should avoid pushing the children like race horses. They will reach their destination only if allowed to think and act freely. Don't make them feel suffocated or obliged to jump into a career.
e. Every child has some inherent talents - Just because parents do not understand it, they should not stifle it under studies and academic success. Academics is not the only way to a successful life. This is increasingly true in the world of today and tomorrow. Recognize their talents and see how they can turn it into a profession. In the long run they will be happier and thank you for it.
Last but not the least
f. Life is meant to be enjoyed - Any vision of the future that we give our children should be based on hope and optimism. Do not make them feel like life is a war. Doing what you enjoy is more important than we may think. 'Enjoyment' is not something to be done on weekends and after retirement. It has to be a part of our daily life and work.
So now...
So now that I have figured out what I want to be when I grow up, I can finally start growing up in earnest.
Sometimes the thought comes to my mind if I wasted the 40 years of my life. Well, not really, the lessons that these years have given are going to be very useful to me in my journey ahead. However, the fact remains that I could have saved myself a lot of frustration had I known myself and followed my heart from a younger age.
In the end...
Please stop asking the children what they want to be when they grow up. A better question will be 'What type of life do you want when you grow up?'
It is not just a question of 'becoming something' but a life deciding decision.
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