When I conduct trainings in public speaking and presentation skills for students, many of them suffer from stage fright. One of the main reasons for this is the fear of being judged by the members of the audience.
"I am afraid that they will judge me and laugh at me." is a very common reason.
Well, there is no reason to be afraid of being judged because other people's judgement does not hurt you in any way. (People giving constructive inputs and tips for improvement is a different thing from being judged.) No one has ever suffered in any way from being judged by others. The only pain and suffering associated with other people's judgement is what one inflicts on oneself by overthinking.
However, there is another reason why judgement by others should not be a reason for stage fright or any other phobia.
What is it?
The reason is, whether you know it or not, judgement is happening at all times. Yes, people are judging you at all times. Just like whether you agree or not, you are judging people at all times!!
Surprised?
Difficult to believe, right? "NO, I do not judge people!!" you might be saying to yourself. So first let us see what it means to judge someone.
Judging a person is basically observing the person's physical characteristics, mannerisms, opinions, thoughts, way of working, cultural background etc. and forming an opinion about how that person is. It is followed by attaching labels like 'smart' 'dumb' 'good' 'bad' and many more. The more aspects we see of a person, the more labels we attach. We do this to people that we work or associate with frequently. But we also do this for random strangers.
The reason why we think that we do not judge others is because this process happens subconsciously. (Unless you are actually judging someone in a contest.) Otherwise we do not pay much attention to this.
It might be a correct judgement and opinion or totally inaccurate BUT judgement and formation of an opinion is always there.
Don't believe me?
If you think you are the kind of person who does not judge, do a simple exercise. Think of a person you know well. Write down what you think of the person. Take your time. Think about it. Ask yourself a few questions like...
1. Will I like to work with them?
2. Will I like to date them?
3. Will I like to party with them?
If YES, why and of NO, why not?
What will come up will be an opinion, a judgement, about the person.
Do this for a person you do not know so well. Follow the same procedure.
Now take it a step further. Do it for a random stranger in a public place. (You do not have to tell them, of course.) You will have very limited data, mostly their physical characteristics, to judge them. You will come up with an opinion. As mentioned above, may be right or wrong.
What you are doing is doing consciously a process that happens mostly subconsciously.
What does it imply?
If you worry about the judgements of others, you will never get anything done. Because judgement is happening at all times. So, if the fear of being judged is what is stopping you from doing something, remember, you are being judged at all times. If it has not hurt you till now, why bother about it in the future?
And anyways, we give too much weightage to the judgement of others and it's effect on us. (There are actually no effects!) People have other things to do and will not spend their time discussing their opinion of you and laughing at you.
All great and successful people have been judged, mostly adversely, by others. If they had allowed this to stop them, they would not be successful, would they? This is what you need to learn from them.
In the end...
Remember, the only judgement that should really matter to you is your own judgement, also known as self esteem.
So...
Ignore all judgements and take the first step to overcome your fears.
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