What they say and What it means?

Next time you are in a meeting, con-call or a webinar and you hear someone using these words, know what they really want to say. (Disclaimer - If you decide to confront the person and it gets ugly, I am NOT responsible. Kindly exercise discretion.) 

I agree with what you say - "I was lost in my own thoughts and did not hear what you said. If I disagree, you will ask for a reason. So, I agree."

You are the best person for the job - "I want to palm this work off to you."

I have complete confidence in your capabilities - Same as "You are the best person for this hob."

I would like to run it by John / The Board / The Group - "I think this is going to fail and I want to be able to blame John / The Board / The Group."

Let us get Gabbar into this - "While we are busy with this, Gabbar is enjoying a holiday / watching TV / sleeping. How dare he!! Let us spoil it for him." OR "None of us know what to do. Gabbar is the only one who can solve this. Get him to cover our back sides."

I agree with you in principle - "I don't agree with you but am not in a mood to argue now. I will oppose you at some other time."

Let us sleep over it - As it sounds,"I want to sleep / watch TV / drink / do anything else. Get lost."

We agree to disagree - "You are all jerks. I am right. But I do not want to get isolated."

This is a wonderful proposal - "I thought of it first but I have no way to prove it now." 

Knowing the unsaid is very important for success in life. Watch this space for more.

I will keep you posted. (This means that I have run out of ideas for now and need time to find more ideas or steal other people's ideas.) 

     

COMEDY REALLY IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS

Humour is not just about laughing and making others laugh. The level and quality of humour in a society is a very good indicator of the intellectual level of the society. Things that people find funny, joke about and are ALLOWED to joke about tells a lot about the mental progress the society has made.

Now days, when I see the things that go under the name of 'comedy' in India and I see people laughing at them, I worry about the future of the nation. The society has been collectively dumbed down and the downfall continues!! Political correctness is one reason but also the benchmark has been steadily brought down in the last 2 to 3 decades. Having grown up watching movies like 'Golmaal' (1980), 'Chupke Chupke' and listening to Pu La Deshpande (In Marathi), the only thing I find funny about most of today's so-called comedy is that people find it funny at all.

I remember watching serials like ‘Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi’ and ‘Wagle ki Duniya’ in my school days. The best part about these serials (and the comedy movies in those days) was that they did not make any effort to make you laugh. People just went about their lives and parts in these and you laughed because they brought out the humour so effortlessly. Like so many other things those days, humour was simple, effortless and effective. Where is that creative talent gone? Have we really lost it?   

British comedian Ricky Gervais says that nothing is above and beyond jokes. What he means is that anything and everything AND everyone can and should be joked about. That is the point of jokes. George Carlin too was of the same opinion. These two (along with many others) actually joked about everything that they could think of and did not face any repercussions more serious than counter opinions and harsh words. Will such comedians in India have the same luxury?

In British movies, the royal family has been the butt of jokes many times. ‘Yes Minister’ and ‘Yes Prime Minister’ both popular comedy TV serials in the 80s tore into the British political system and bureaucracy. Never once did they face any censure. In fact, they were the favourite TV programs of the former British PM, late Mrs. Margaret Thatcher. Similarly, the US president, the most powerful person on the earth, has been spoofed in so many Hollywood movies. (Not all of these depictions have been very flattering.)  How many film makers have been pulled up for this? Do you remember any Indian equivalent?

The sad part is, it is not just about humour in entertainment. Even in our day to day lives, people (myself included) have become so sensitive. I remember instances when I have said something that would otherwise have passed off as humour. The reaction of the people was taking offense and reprimanding me. I was left wondering what went wrong. I was supposed to be ‘sensitized’ about people’s sensibilities and not ‘offend’ them. All I intended to do was make them laugh. Have you also experienced this?

I fully agree that there are things that people (including myself) are genuinely sensitive about and their sensitivities should be respected. The problem is that the list of these things is growing longer and longer each day.  I feel that we have started taking too many things far too seriously. We need to loosen up a bit. Quality of humour in entertainment is just one part but ask yourself this, “Are we laughing less and less every day?” Many people will attribute their lack of laughter to work related stress and the pressures of life. This is so loaded with irony. Laughter is EXACTLY what they need to ease the burden of a situation like this. I have seen work places where they take their work, and ONLY their work seriously. The atmosphere is jovial and full of laughter. Guess what? These work places are far more efficient and productive than places where people go out of their way to look and act serious.

Well, I touched upon the standard of humour in our entertainment (Movies and TV) and our daily lives. The topic is vast and I could go on and on. BUT in the end let me say this, the two are related. Our choices in entertainment reflect our behavior in our daily lives. Think about it. (And laugh about it. 😊)    

WANTS and NEEDS

"Prioritize your needs and discipline your wants." goes a famous saying. 

Every day of our life is full of decisions. These are decisions of every type - what clothes to wear / mode of transportation to use / where to go / what to eat etc. Most of these decisions if not all are between two options i.e. 'wants' and 'needs'. Before we go ahead, let us know what these two things are.

Needs - Something without which our normal lives cannot go on or the desired work will not get done. There is no substitute for it. It cannot be eliminated or replaced. Good examples of needs are air for breathing, food and water. (Here I have given examples of the most basic necessities of life.)  

Wants - Things that we crave to fulfill our desire. These are things that may or may not be same as needs. Our normal life can still go ahead without them or our work can get done without them. In most of the cases there is a good enough substitute for these things. More than any other function our 'wants' fulfill our craving to have those very things. In most of the cases these are luxury items. 

Let me show it through an example. Imagine a middle class family of four. They need to travel for work, family commitments etc. The public transport in their town is not really efficient or it does not match their timing. So, they need a car. For a middle class family who needs a car, a second hand car is the best option. In case they need to go for a new car, there are options like Maruti or Hyundai cars which are well within the budget of a middle class family. It will perfectly fulfill their need. BUT they feel that a family friend has a BMW and a cousin has an Audi so they should have something to match. What do they do? They take a loan and buy a Mercedes. They do this because they want to show that they too have a high end car. For this they take a heavy loan. In addition, they also spend a huge amount on the regular servicing and maintenance of the car. The result is a heavy financial burden causing stress. 

Sounds familiar? I bet it does.

Every-time we need to make a decision especially about what to buy, it is a great idea to see if it is a need or a want. Once we do this analysis, we make the right choice and accrue many benefits. Some of these are - 

1. We save money.

2. We avoid a scenario of regretting our decision at a later stage.

3. We avoid stress.

4. We avoid a situation wherein we have to justify our own decision even though we may not be convinced about it.

How to do the analysis?

So, how to do the need / want analysis? Ask yourself a few questions. Some of these questions can be as follows -

a. What work do I need to get done? What is my time frame and the expected quality of the work? 

b. Which of the options available to me will get the work done best? (Without compromising on the quality of the outcome.)

c. Is it the only option available to me? What are the other options? 

d. Is it financially the most affordable option?

e. Is there a better option available? (Financially and qualitatively)  

f. What will be the fallout / side effect of each option? (Financial, stress, quality of the work etc.)

g. Can I avoid buying this thing altogether and get the work done in some other way? How will my life be affected if I do that? 

These are some suggestive questions. You can re-frame these as per the situation. It is important to remember that while making the final decision, you need to be absolutely honest with yourself in answering these questions.

In matter of spending time also

This analysis need not be confined to making choices in material things. It can also be done while deciding how to spend your time. (Activities you want to do like leisure (Wants) vs activities that you need to do for long term benefit like studies, professional improvement, exercise etc. (Needs)

In the end

I am not suggesting that we stop indulging our wants and desires altogether. Life is meant to be enjoyed and we must fulfill our wants once in a while. However, it is important to not make it a habit or an addiction. If it does become an addiction, we start mistaking our wants as our needs and stop cherishing the special things that life has to offer.  

Doing this need / want analysis will help you lead a happier life and make better choices in the long run.                     

The Silver Lining - See the opportunities in the lock down

Every situation has a positive side to it. No matter how bad or negative the situation, it is not difficult to see the positives. Of course, there may not be positives for every individual. Quite the opposite, many individuals may be losers in the negative situation. But looking at the bigger picture, the situation offers lots of things to be happy about. It is the community, the society and the world that benefits. So in order to see the positives / the silver lining, always see the big picture. 

The ongoing lock down is no different. There are positives and opportunities for everyone, individuals and the world. The situation is like any other that we face in life i.e. our perspective towards it makes a lot of difference. Someone told me a beautiful thing recently - "A crisis is either a situation to be faced or a decision to be taken." Reflect on this statement and you will realize the depth of this.

To start with, let us stop referring to it as a crisis. It is not. Haven't we all faced situations in life that we felt bad about at that time only to experience positive fall outs later on? Look at it that way. Stop using the word 'crisis' to describe it. Instead call it a 'situation' and see how your own perspective towards it changes. The moment you call it a situation, you see opportunities in it. Opportunities for self development, opportunities for restarting your life, opportunities for 'me time', opportunities for catching up on your favorite shows on Netflix, opportunities to make the calls to friends with whom you have not spoken for long........ The list is endless.

Have we all not wished for a long long break from office at one time or another? Well, here it is. You may not have expected it this way BUT here it is. You may be working from home BUT nothing changes the fact that you do not have to get up, get dressed and travel to the office to meet people whom you may or may not like, right? It does give you a lot of flexibility and home time. If you are getting bored right now, believe me, one day you will miss these days.

We are all surviving on bare essentials now days. For more than a month we have had no partying, no pub hopping, no movies, no expensive shopping trips and no unnecessary outings. This means lots of savings. But more than that, we have become clear about our priorities. Or rather about what SHOULD be our priorities. Take this opportunity to re-calibrate your priorities and it will surely be a positive take away from this situation.

I personally also see this as an opportunity to work on our discipline. How? When we are at home in the present situation the temptation to sleep long hours and spend the day in front of the TV can get really strong. This is precisely the time for disciplining yourself. Make a schedule and stick to it. Have regular waking and sleeping hours. Set tasks for the day and complete them. Do this now and the habit will stand you in good stead all your life. 

It is an opportunity for self development. I am spending my time studying, reading, writing and making sure that whenever the lock down ends, I am professionally a better person than what I was before it started. I am sure you are doing the same. If not, start right now. Do not give yourself a chance to regret the fact that you wasted this time.

This is also an opportunity for self awareness i.e. an opportunity to know yourself. We all know our-self but do we know our 'self'? It is an extremely important thing that is not given enough importance. Take time to meditate, reflect, write and think about yourself. Do a SWOT analysis for yourself. You will be in a great position to restart your life and relaunch yourself once the situation changes. (Refer my blog 'Importance of a Restart' dated 7 April 2020)

Last but not the least, the opportunities on the personal front are endless. If you and your partner complaint that you do not get enough time together, here is your time. Here is your quality time together, here is your family time and bonding time. Here is your time, and opportunity, to strengthen the family bonds. Make the best of it.

I wish you all the best in making the best of this time available to you. I hope to see a better and a happier you on the other side of the lock down.            

Importance of a restart

I make it a point to keep my phone switched off for at least an hour everyday. It is normally while I am recharging it in the morning. It has many benefits for me the main ones being - 

• I do not look into the mobile as soon as I get up.
• It gets charged faster.
• The phone works faster and lasts longer.

We all know the importance of restarting an electronic device when it is not working properly whether it is a mobile, a computer or any other thing. This holds true even for automobiles in many cases. Simply switching off and starting after some time often solves many problems that seemed to be without a solution.

BUT, how many of us have thought of a restart for ourselves. How many of us seriously think of restarting our lives once in a while? Honestly, almost no-one, right? We are conditioned to think that being 'on the go' is always a good thing. We are taught that we must always keep ourselves busy with something or the other or 'be productive' at all times. This prevents us from thinking of restarting our lives much less actually doing it.

How to restart our lives?

When we feel that things are not going exactly as planned or that they are going as per plan but could be better, it is the time for a restart. The best way to do it is as follows :-

1. Take a break for a few days. Utilize this time to get your focus back. This can be done by meditation, brain-storming or even talking to a trusted person.   
2. Revisit your goals and your plans. Evaluate them through a SWOT analysis. See how feasible they are. 
3. Evaluate your PLANS to achieve these goals. Do a SWOT analysis for them also. 
4. While you are at it, evaluate your resources and support systems that will help you to achieve these goals.
5. After this exercise you may feel that you need to revise your goal or to break it down into small, easily achievable targets. Do it. Consult an expert if required.
6. While doing all this, cultivate a hobby or refresh a hobby you already have and have been out of touch with for some time. REMEMBER, a restart is not just about one aspect of your life. It would be a great idea to restart your life holistically. 
7. You may want to work on your support systems before you restart. Talk to the required people and tell them exactly what you want from them. These people may include family, friends, colleagues or experts. 

Now you are all set to restart your life with renewed energy and vigor. However keep a few things in mind while preparing for a restart.

Firstly, be absolutely honest with yourself while doing the SWOT analysis.

Secondly, keep all value judgments away. Do not feel under pressure to stick to your goals and methods if you feel they are not working.

Avoid feeling guilty for resetting your goals or methods to reach them.

A restart may be the best thing that you do for yourself. Do it and give yourself a much needed course correction or a push to reach your goals.

HAPPY RESTART